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Recently I wrote about living for yourself vs. A lot of people contacted me about how difficult this was for them. Some said being raised Christian, they were imbued with a mission of giving to others as an act of Christian sacrifice. Others asked how to receive when you are a natural "giver" not "taker" kind of person. I hope to give some tools and support to my fellow "givers" so they can learn to give without depleting themselves and hopefully also learn to receive.

Redefine Sacrifice : Sacrifice is defined as "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim. Yes, sometimes others have a more pressing need than yours.

How to Become a Successful Giver

Say for instance your child breaks their arm -- I think we could all agree that their medical needs are more pressing than your daily needs at that moment. But look at how often you view your needs as less than others. Is it a weekly occurrence?

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The other definition of sacrifice is "a loss incurred in selling something below its value. Are you continually devaluating yourself? Helping others and the occasional sacrifice are wonderful, but if it becomes your normal way of living you are negating your value as a fellow human being.

As a coach this was a very important concept to learn. Throughout the day I give to others, but I do so without giving away myself. I exist.


I desire. I receive. And I am able to give to others. Giving does not mean disappearing into others' needs. Just like we give presents to those who love, the gift of giving should be something outside of ourselves. It adds to their lives without taking away from our own. Create Boundaries : Determine who you give to and when you give.

We do not need to be paid back for things we freely provide, but we should also not feel like we are being taken advantage of. Give only when it feels good to you. You should feel better and more fulfilled after you give, not drained.

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Giving should be as Ghandi has been reported to say, selfish. If your giving feels as good if not better for you than the person you gave to, then it is worth it. And remember, if it feels bad when you are giving, what you are giving out has bad energy as well, no matter how well intentioned your actions. Release the Guilt : Nothing in the world requires you to give to others. It is a choice.

Release your guilt and sense of obligation. Cut the emotional cord you have to others. This emotion is what ties you to guilt giving.

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Whether you think that others will not like you or that it would make you a bad person if you don't give, recognize that you are not given for authentic reasons. Give freely and from the heart. Release any sense of duty or compulsion.

However, what does this sacrifice teach your children? As a constant giver, you are showing your children that they are not worth as much as others.

genuine - Dictionary Definition :

Be a mentor and model the ideal behavior. Show your children how you can give while still existing and receiving. Be a Mentor Not a Fixer : Find the balance between giving and doing for someone. If we tied our children's shoes for them and never taught them how, they would grow up to be adults who could not handle this simple function of adulthood. It all adds up to a small and miserable life of taking. When you are a taker or a trader and fail, you remember your disappointments and play the victim. Show me a struggling salesperson and I will show you either a taker or trader. On the other hand, givers just keep popping along bestowing gifts and never look back to check to see what they got in exchange — and the more they give the more they get. Take this same example to your relationships. The best news is that takers and traders can transform into genuine givers in a moment. All it takes is that very moment to ask yourself why you are giving.

Should you have a deep-seated hope or expectation of something in return, just release that thought and give it anyway.

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  5. True givers are not giving into order to get happiness, salvation, acceptance or anything in return. Their happiness is already resident and supercharges their acts of giving. They gain an immense self-respect and freedom from failure. Giving without expectations never fails, in business or in life.